"G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3" (gbodyman)
01/27/2015 at 00:00 • Filed to: None
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"G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3" (gbodyman)
01/27/2015 at 00:00 • Filed to: None | 12
| 25 |
This is my first car. Nuff said.
(Full Disclosure: GM wanted me to review this car so badly that they gave it to two careful owners before it ended up in my hands. The previous owner kindly supplied half a tank of gas, and allowed me to eat lots of homemade cookies during the purchase of the vehicle).
Exterior: 7/10
One simply cannot deny the appeal of a Brougham. This particular Brougham is a slick-top. It is 200.4 inches long, and it is extremely well proportioned. The hood is long and arrow-straight, the decklid is short and curved, and the exquisite tan pinstripes perfectly offset the Dark Autumn Maple Metallic paint. Of course, it is not without it's downsides. There is a fair amount of rust, and the factory wire hubcaps leave something to be desired. Overall, however, it is a great-looking car.
Interior: 6/10
What you're looking at here is burgundy velour. This interior is made for "special activities" at the drive-in theatre. The seats are more comfortable than any Volvo's, and the condition is immaculate. You get a bench seat in the front, three ashtrays, and deluxe woodgrain trim. Points are deducted for two reasons. Firstly, Roger Smith was concerned that children would wriggle out of the rear lap belts and fling themselves out of the window and onto the freeway, while doing their best impersonation of a lemming caught in a bowling ball return. What was the solution? to make the rear windows not go down, and instead install tiny vent windows that feel like they may fall out. Secondly, due to a long-ago anus-puckering moment, the center front seat belt anchor had been ripped off it's housing. But overall, the interior is pretty good.
Acceleration: 6/10.
It's got a 305 Chevrolet V8, which was exclusive to the Canadian market for the Cutlass. It provides very decent motivation, mainly because it's very torquey. However, wind it out and all it will do is make noise. However, it does get surprisingly good gas mileage, so I'll give it that.
Braking: 6/10
It has disc front brakes. It stops better than a Toyota Echo. Power assist is good. Moving on.
Ride: 10/10
That old GM suspension float. I've been in Benzes and Lexuses that weren't as comfortable as this thing. It is smooooooooooooooth. Pothole? No problem, it'll just soak it up and move along. Same goes for any road imperfection smaller than a Smart Fortwo. This thing will rock if you move about vigorously inside it. It is the perfect representation of cushiness.
Handling: 4/10
This thing rolls. It rolls over harder than a 10-year-old black lab. It is fun. Safe? That's debatable. All I know is, you don't want to push this thing too hard.
Gearbox: 6/10.
It's got a three speed. But it does have an awesome column shift. It shifts smoothly and with authority. Not bad.
Audio: 8/10
This thing puts new cars to shame. For a very basic system with four speakers, at least two of which are 4x10s, it sounds spectacular. Bass is crisp and clear, treble is high without pushing the limits of the speakers. From Rage Against The Machine to Dr. Dre, to Reel Big Fish, this thing keeps cranking out the tunes as good as from day 1. I was at the junkyard a little while ago, and saw the same head unit in a Cadillac. Proof that you can have a good system in an old car.
Toys: 7/10
It's got the funny vent windows, but it also has a bunch of other toys. Ice cold A/C, cruise control, intermittent wipers, a good stereo, power windows and more. It has amenities that are found in basic cars nowadays, but were extraordinary back then. It's proof that you can have your classic and enjoy it, too.
Value: 10/10
For $1000, it's difficult to get a better car.
70/100
Engine: 5.0L Chevrolet 305 V8
Power: 150 HP, 240 lb-ft
Transmission: Three-speed automatic column-shift.
0-60: A bit over 8 seconds.
Top Speed: Over 85 MPH
Drivetrain: RWD
Curb Weight: 3600lbs
Seating: 6
MPG: 15 City, 19 Highway
Price: $1000
bob and john
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 00:05 |
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I'll do you a deal. you let me drive this, i teach you to ride motorcycles. deal?
NotUnlessRoundIsFunny
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 00:09 |
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Nicely written, entertaining but clear and to the point. Nice job!
Also, this thing only weighs 3600 pounds?!
Gated Manual
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 00:14 |
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Amazing in 1984 only has 150HP from a 5.0L, all those smog power stealing devices... Todays Mustang with the Coyote 5.0L gets 420+...
ly2v8-Brian
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 00:17 |
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My Grandpa had an olds with similar seats. They can only be described as fucking comfortable.
Jedidiah
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 00:17 |
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Oldsmobiles have always been fantastic value.
Rides better than luxury cars 20 times the price.
Good engines (relative to others at the time)
Restrained good looks
And they always seemed to build decent cars despite GM bean counting and malaise.
The space-agey Rocket tropes and american futurism imagery make me love them even more.
WhyWagonIfNotWagonFast
> bob and john
01/27/2015 at 00:21 |
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I don't think you drive this so much as helm it. What ever happened to Velour and GM float? There is something to be said for cruising down the road in your living room. If only you could get Wheel of Fortune on the radio.
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bob and john
> WhyWagonIfNotWagonFast
01/27/2015 at 00:23 |
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...good point.
deal amended: you let me play capitan of the cruiseship for 20 minutes and I teach you how to ride motorcycles
JeepJeremy
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 00:23 |
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Let me tell you something; it's a burnout machine too!
PyramidHat
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 00:44 |
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This interior is made for "special activities" at the drive-in theatre.
True, but make sure you Scotch-Guard that shit...don't want any stains on the nice velour...
Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
> Gated Manual
01/27/2015 at 00:47 |
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To be fair, they are very, very, VERY different engines. One is a low down OHV torque engine, and the other is a relatively revvy DOHC engine.
Spoon II
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 01:24 |
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A personal goal of mine is to someday own a land yacht, because sometimes you don't need performance. You just just need unadulterated comfort.
Luc - The Acadian Oppo
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 09:36 |
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which was exclusive to the Canadian market for the Cutlass.
wait! you're in Canada? Where?
That thing doesn't look nearly as rusted as you made it sound. do you have any pics of underneath?
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G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
> Luc - The Acadian Oppo
01/27/2015 at 11:08 |
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South-western ontario. Trust me, the rust is bad. I don't have any pics of the underneath, but the left rear frame-rail extension is rusting through.
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G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
> Spoon II
01/27/2015 at 11:09 |
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Amen.
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G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
> PyramidHat
01/27/2015 at 11:09 |
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I know, I'm picking up a can this week.
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G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
> NotUnlessRoundIsFunny
01/27/2015 at 11:10 |
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Yup. I was shocked, too.
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PyramidHat
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 11:31 |
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Outstanding.
FiST of FuRRY
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 12:02 |
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Yeah, the US market got the 307 Olds V8 (or the base 231 Buick V6).
I had an '84 with the 307 and it was satisfactory for that time. As a V8 compared to other V8s, I don't think it could keep up in today's times. The Chevy 305 would've been better, so Canada was fortunate.
I loved the car but HATED that the back windows didn't roll down. Having a power operated rear opera window was ridiculous.
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G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
> PyramidHat
01/27/2015 at 12:05 |
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Thank you.
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G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
> FiST of FuRRY
01/27/2015 at 12:06 |
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You had the power rear windows? lucky. I only have the power fronts.
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FiST of FuRRY
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/27/2015 at 15:09 |
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Yep, I had the power ones. But I would rather have had the manual even though they didn't fail at the time, I was always concerned that it was just another thing to break.
Mark - Sixpots None The Richer
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/28/2015 at 04:24 |
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Growing up in Europe watching Knight Rider those land yachts seemed so exotic. When I was older it surprised me to learn that they are considered to be "bad" - you know what I mean. I think I'm still in denial. So:
Very nice! Rusted premium-malaise is very cool! Just look at it lowering the rent index of the entire street.
I bet it's awesome to dandle this thing through town feeling like the villain in an episode of the "Fall Guy". So enjoy it and know that on the other side of the pond someone day-dreams about a column shifter...
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NotUnlessRoundIsFunny
> G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
01/28/2015 at 08:49 |
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Really says something about how much cars have grown and put on weight over the years.
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G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
> NotUnlessRoundIsFunny
01/28/2015 at 13:13 |
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Indeed.
matty84
> FiST of FuRRY
05/13/2016 at 11:32 |
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i whooped a 99 subaru wagon in my 1984 Cutlass Supreme V8 307 stock. so it still does amazing for an older car